Why Self-love is Important and How it Can Make You A Better You, For You.

January 13, 2018

Photo Set by Kei Villanueva of ViSUAL ArTELiER Keiaveunalliv
"To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness" -  Robert Morley

I have fallen hard and from the top when reality hit me hard that I could never depend my happiness on another human being. It took me two teary eyes and a broken heart to finally realize that what I needed to do is to look for myself, learn to accept who and what I am, and love my every flaw before someone would do it for me. 

It was May 2016 when I broke up with my bestfriend/ex-boyfriend. It wasn't a perfect relationship although I have had expected that it would be better than my other relationships, as he was my bestfriend for years and he knew how my mind works and how sometimes I am a jerk and a pain in the ass. I thought he could handle me. I was a work in progress, hell I didn't even know I was broken. I gave my very best to that relationship. I was faithful, I made sure that this time I wouldn't fuck up just because I wanted to play with other people's feelings. And yet we broke up because he's paranoid I was cheating on him (hell, I wasn't.)

After the break-up, I heard the worst from my bestfriend. He told me that I am not worth it. He told me that I was never contented with anything and that's the reason why I'll never be happy. It hit me hard. So hard that I questioned my self-worth. I gave my best to that relationship. I became his bestfriend, sister, mother, brother, lover all at the same time just so I could understand him and his problems. He has his own problems, and I wanted to be that person who'll have his back when things would get rough. I tried my best to be the best girlfriend that he could ever ask for, but maybe I wasn't enough for him. It broke me to know that after all of the things that I did for him, he'll be the one to have the audacity to tell me that I am not worth it. 

This is when things get rough. I lost myself in the process of loving somebody else, worse he even tells it to my face. He made me feel like a piece of shit despite doing whatever I can to make him happy. I was mad. Mad at him and mad at myself for thinking that I could save someone who don't wanna be saved. Now I am the one in trouble, and there is no one to save me. 

Like every lost soul, I do things that I would have regret in the past but I didn't. I learn how to drink, smoke and party. For months it would be the kind of life that I'll be living. Getting drunk and partying with a different crowd thinking that maybe this could help me forget the pain.It did for a second, but the best thing about going out of my comfort zone, I have learned to understand what it feels like to just go with the flow, enjoy the wave and how freeing it is to be lost in the process of losing yourself.

Getting lost also meant getting found. 

After trying to find myself in different crowd and situation, I have finally come to my senses and realized that I could never find myself to anyone else, I can only find it within me. So I spend more time analyzing my thoughts, working on how to deal with it and accepting that I am only human, I am flawed, I am imperfect but that's what made me special. 

So I worked hard. I look myself in the mirror and tell myself how much I am worth so much more like a diamond. I gave myself enough credit for making it every day waking up with a smile on my face. It wasn't easy at first because it felt like you're only faking it. But you just have to fake it till you make it, and believe me. You will make it. 

And this is the start of finding that deep love inside me. And this is also how I fight my own mind, my own demons. I fight it with the thought that I am the only one in control of my thoughts, my happiness, and nobody else can tell me ever again that I am not worth it. And that's the story of how I became a better version of me, for me. I learned to accept my flaws, and then love myself in the process.

If you're hurting right now if you feel like no one else will love you enough, and if you feel like you have tried so hard to please other people so you could get that acceptance and validation you have been looking for, I am telling you right now - stop. Stop looking for validation from other people. Their opinion shouldn't matter, and who the hell cares if they don't like you? It is not their job to like you, it is your job to like yourself. So get out of your sweatpants, stop worrying what other people would say and think about you because the only opinion that matters is yours and yours alone. 

In the process of finding yourself, you'll find how fulfilling it is to be loved by yourself. In the process of healing, I have been able to contemplate the effect and importance of self-love to me. So I took the time to list down the reasons why self-love is important and what it does to you: 
  1. It creates happiness. Happiness that I never knew existed inside me. Who would have thought that you could be happy without anyone else's presence? You can actually enjoy a nice dinner with yourself and you didn't even have to worry about not being with anyone else.
  2. It boosts one's confidence and self-esteem. Not being able to worry about whatever bullshit other people might think about you is what it feels like to be free. Free from what society would dictate, and free from the biased thought of insecure people around you.
  3. It creates positive thinking towards life. Finally, you will realize how amazing it is to live a life every day and get to control your emotions. You finally know how to choose happiness.
  4. Less stress, more productivity. Since you're most focused on improving yourself, you try to work on the things that matters and not the things that could hinder your success. You work hard, and you know your purpose. 
  5. You will look more beautiful. Being able to accept every flaws and imperfections would give you that feeling of satisfaction. You're okay with whatever imperfections you have. You're breast aren't that big? Who cares, flat is the new sexy.  You fall in the category of chubby? Who cares, food is life and we all know that we can't say no to good food. Thus, not being able to care with other people's opinion on you made you look more beautiful. 
These are just some of the things that self-love can do to you, but most importantly, self-love with help you find true love. How? It is when you have accepted everything about you that fate and the universe will decide that you are ready to be accepted and love by somebody else. Finally, you will share that love with someone else who will make you fell like you're perfect despite your flaws. With it comes that natural love you have been looking for. You don't have to be needy and pretend that everything is okay, because it will be okay. You will have trust on yourself, your decisions and your thoughts. You know how to trust your partner and you now know how to be mature enough to understand your partner. 

At first it would seem impossible and the result I have told you may have been too good to be true, but you just have to trust the process. In the end, the result would be good. You would get to love yourself without needing anybody else. 

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